


once upon a time, there was an ending to this story, but fuck it

by ofthesun



Series: endings are always bittersweet, but this one left a bad taste in my mouth [10]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Analysis, Canon Compliant, Character Analysis, Gen, Suicide (not graphic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-04 23:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11565132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofthesun/pseuds/ofthesun
Summary: Cynthia struggles to understand Connor's death. Zoe has no trouble at all understanding it.





	once upon a time, there was an ending to this story, but fuck it

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my July song ficlet project, in which I took [the last lines of my top ten albums on last.fm](https://www.last.fm/user/lxllabies/library/albums?date_preset=ALL_TIME) and wrote ficlets inspired by them. This one is from [CLPPNG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CteDAGOvF_4) by clipping.
> 
> This fic analyses and tries to understand the reasons for Connor's suicide, so warning for that. This also discusses it from Zoe's perspective, so it analyses with a certain bias and through a certain lens.

Zoe hears her mom talk about Connor. Cynthia had started to get through and move past Connor's death, with the outpouring of support and remembrance they were getting, but as soon as they found out Evan was lying, it's like the wound had never even started to heal, fresh and open and aching.

It always comes down to a need to understand for Cynthia. She tells Zoe and Larry over and over how desperately she wishes Connor had left a note, a message, anything for them to get inside his head and know why he did it. Zoe even hears her praying at night in the hallway, quiet enough so Larry won't hear, but Zoe can hear the whisper of it float into her room.

Zoe doesn't feel the same way. She doesn't need a note to understand, and frankly, she doesn't understand how her mother needs a note to understand it. The note was Connor's whole damn life, in how he was miserable and isolated and full of anger. The note was Connor screaming at her and kicking her door. The note was Connor coming down to breakfast in the morning high because apparently a family meal was that insufferable. The note was the fact that Connor so obviously needed help.

The understanding? The fact that nobody ever took him seriously, and he never got help.


End file.
